Changes

First let me start by saying that "eMOTIONS" in Second Life is no more.  I have found that anymore I have very little time for SL outside of time spent in preparation for Relay for Life, or the occasional bit of time spent with a close friend or two.  My desire to build, create, photograph, or blog anything relating to SL right now is gone, and should it return it will all be incorporated into my main blog, "The Sweet Life of Sierra Sugar". 

For now, eMOTIONS, will be just that, a blog through emotions.  A journal.  An outlet.  Someplace more removed from FB, plurk, twitter, and just SL in general.  I intend this to become something more personal.  Something that is an exploration of life in general, my life, sierra/kitty/karen.  This is my journey.  These are my emotions.

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There was a time to say things.  That time has passed.  Too long spent in silence and now that is all that is left.  Well, that's not entirely true.  There is a lot left.  Hurt.  Anger.  Tears.  And there is not real direction for what I feel.  No one person to "blame" if you will.  No person at all.

Except me.

There was a time to stand up and fight.  Maybe?  A time to express how I felt and what I wanted.  Instead I waited quietly.  Instead I hid.  Instead I convinced myself that being quiet, not pushing, not asking, waiting to be wanted was the right course of action.  I made myself invisible and it worked.  I was forgotten.  That is all my fault.  I can be mad at all the things I perceived to be done.  I can be mad at all the choices I perceive as being made.  I can be mad at the outcome.  But if I look deep inside I have acknowledge that all this anger is ultimately directed at me.

The choice I made in my heart I did not express loudly or clearly enough.  And perhaps even had I, it would not have mattered.  But the fact I did nothing means I'll never know.

And now it's time to figure out how to let go.

Others move on.  So must I.