For now, eMOTIONS, will be just that, a blog through emotions. A journal. An outlet. Someplace more removed from FB, plurk, twitter, and just SL in general. I intend this to become something more personal. Something that is an exploration of life in general, my life, sierra/kitty/karen. This is my journey. These are my emotions.
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There was a time to say things. That time has passed. Too long spent in silence and now that is all that is left. Well, that's not entirely true. There is a lot left. Hurt. Anger. Tears. And there is not real direction for what I feel. No one person to "blame" if you will. No person at all.
Except me.
There was a time to stand up and fight. Maybe? A time to express how I felt and what I wanted. Instead I waited quietly. Instead I hid. Instead I convinced myself that being quiet, not pushing, not asking, waiting to be wanted was the right course of action. I made myself invisible and it worked. I was forgotten. That is all my fault. I can be mad at all the things I perceived to be done. I can be mad at all the choices I perceive as being made. I can be mad at the outcome. But if I look deep inside I have acknowledge that all this anger is ultimately directed at me.
The choice I made in my heart I did not express loudly or clearly enough. And perhaps even had I, it would not have mattered. But the fact I did nothing means I'll never know.
And now it's time to figure out how to let go.
Others move on. So must I.
