Nancy rounded the corner in a hurry and came full stop as she slammed into Destiny, who was gazing into a store window. Agitation obvious in her voice Nancy sputtered, "Well excuse me!" Yet her tone indicated it wasn't an apology. After all Destiny was plainly standing right in the middle of the sidewalk.
Destiny smiled at Nancy, her eyes full of light. At the apex of that smile two dimples puckered her rosy cheeks. Her cheery voice chimed like a bell, "Isn't it wonderful?" She asked.
Unsure what was so wonderful Nancy flashed a half smile, side-stepped Destiny, and offered a hurried "Of course," before continuing on her way. Destiny's eyes shifted from dreamy to determined as she turned to follow Nancy. She would not be overlooked this day!
© sierra sugar 09/01/2013
A Writer's Block
Wake up and pay attention
Have any of you ever seen the movie "Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit"? I love both the Sister Act movies, not just for their musical entertainment, but for the inspiration they instill. A quote from the movie has been a big inspiration for me in pursuing my dream of being a writer. Here is the scene from the movie:
Whoopi: I know you want to sing. See. I love to sing. Nothing makes me happier. I either wanted to be a singer or the head of the Ice Capades. Hey. Do you know who the Ice Capades are? Don't roll your eyes. They were very cool.
I went to my mother who gave me this book...called "Letters To A Young Poet". Rainer Maria Rilke. He's a fabulous writer. A fellow used to write to him and say: "I want to be a writer. Please read my stuff."
And Rilke says to this guy: "Don't ask me about being a writer. lf when you wake up in the morning you can think of nothing but writing...then you're a writer."
I'm gonna say the same thing to you. If you wake up in the mornin' and you can't think of anything but singin' first...then you're supposed to be a singer.
For me, my dream is to be a writer. It's what I wake up in the morning thinking about, it's what follows me to sleep at night. That is my dream. Maybe your dream is to be a singer, or a nurse, perhaps a teacher, or maybe an artist of some other kind. If you wake up in the morning and you can't think of anything else but that dream... then that is what you are supposed to be. Time to stop dreaming. Time to wake and chase that dream. Pay attention to life and opportunities that might present themselves. MAKE your own opportunities. BE that dream that follows you every day.
If you want to be somebody, if you want to go somewhere, you better wake up and pay attention!
~sierra
Whoopi: I know you want to sing. See. I love to sing. Nothing makes me happier. I either wanted to be a singer or the head of the Ice Capades. Hey. Do you know who the Ice Capades are? Don't roll your eyes. They were very cool.
I went to my mother who gave me this book...called "Letters To A Young Poet". Rainer Maria Rilke. He's a fabulous writer. A fellow used to write to him and say: "I want to be a writer. Please read my stuff."
And Rilke says to this guy: "Don't ask me about being a writer. lf when you wake up in the morning you can think of nothing but writing...then you're a writer."
I'm gonna say the same thing to you. If you wake up in the mornin' and you can't think of anything but singin' first...then you're supposed to be a singer.
For me, my dream is to be a writer. It's what I wake up in the morning thinking about, it's what follows me to sleep at night. That is my dream. Maybe your dream is to be a singer, or a nurse, perhaps a teacher, or maybe an artist of some other kind. If you wake up in the morning and you can't think of anything else but that dream... then that is what you are supposed to be. Time to stop dreaming. Time to wake and chase that dream. Pay attention to life and opportunities that might present themselves. MAKE your own opportunities. BE that dream that follows you every day.
If you want to be somebody, if you want to go somewhere, you better wake up and pay attention!
~sierra
Rain
Her hair, darker than the storm clouds, clung to the high angles of her cheeks, draped over her soft shoulders, and dripped down the length of her silky back. Each thick tendril was pulled straight by the weight of the water as it sheeted off saturated glossy midnight strands; a rich contrast of onxy against pearl, both made vibrant and opalescent from the cabochon drops beading on her skin. Tiny rivulets of moisture tickle and stream around her womanly curves, dipping and teasing and leaving raised bumps of chilled flesh in the wake.
There she sat, a vision of unadulterated loveliness. There she sat, a woman laid bare and washed clean from the fierce downpour. As time lingered on counted out by they frantic deluge of sky to land, a frenzied rhythm keeping time with her heart she began to tremble, but not from the frigid air puckering her delicate skin. There she sat trembling, not from the thick, moist air charged with ozone, nor from the wind as it screamed through the tree branches and lashed at the tall grasses, but from fear of being turned away.
And then a single word was spoken, ringing out over the cacophonous noise. Pure feeling bubbled over and poured from her eyes to drench the sand; liquid salt lost amidst the torrent saturated the grass, the trees, and the flowers filling them with emotion spilled out from within her trembling soul.
Her bottom lip quivered, and her voice was but a mere whisper, thick with relief and overcome with joy, she repeated her name with comforting recognition, "Rain..."
(c) sierra sugar 6/16/2013
There she sat, a vision of unadulterated loveliness. There she sat, a woman laid bare and washed clean from the fierce downpour. As time lingered on counted out by they frantic deluge of sky to land, a frenzied rhythm keeping time with her heart she began to tremble, but not from the frigid air puckering her delicate skin. There she sat trembling, not from the thick, moist air charged with ozone, nor from the wind as it screamed through the tree branches and lashed at the tall grasses, but from fear of being turned away.
And then a single word was spoken, ringing out over the cacophonous noise. Pure feeling bubbled over and poured from her eyes to drench the sand; liquid salt lost amidst the torrent saturated the grass, the trees, and the flowers filling them with emotion spilled out from within her trembling soul.
Her bottom lip quivered, and her voice was but a mere whisper, thick with relief and overcome with joy, she repeated her name with comforting recognition, "Rain..."
(c) sierra sugar 6/16/2013
Emotional Saturation
When you feel like your entire being is saturated by the essence of another, everything they are and everything they feel overwhelms every part of you and every tiny space inside your heart. It overflows as bittersweet salted tears wrenched from your soul upon your cheeks. As the wind whisks the drops of sorrow from your fevered skin, it carries away the evidence of your pain and leaves a throbbing hollow unfulfilled deep inside; one that is hidden by lightless eyes and the flat mask of a smile.
(c) ~sierra sugar 5/29/2013
i Dance
"Dance for me." He says, the faintest trace of a crooked smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. And so i dance, in small fluid steps, from the flats of my feet rising up to the tips of my toes. i dance to the music in my soul that builds and races as does my love for Him. My heart pounds out the rhythm of every thought, every desire, and drives it all... pulls me towards the one who owns my very breath. That playful smile of His that never fails to tease me to distraction remains, yet the darkness that smolders in His eyes hints at the pleasure yet to come and a shiver tingles down my spine. And still i dance.
For Him i dance, unrestricted in my submission, the cool metal around my ankles setting me free to soar above any earthly bounds. For Him i dance. For Him i am. For Him...
(c) 4/30/2013 ~sierra sugar~
For Him i dance, unrestricted in my submission, the cool metal around my ankles setting me free to soar above any earthly bounds. For Him i dance. For Him i am. For Him...
(c) 4/30/2013 ~sierra sugar~
Be Good, or Be Gone!
(thanks to Megan Massacre from Wooster Street Social Club (NY Ink). Her tattoo was part of the inspiration for this little bit of insightful writing.)
Communication, trust, respect and transparency are all critical in any type of relationship, that is if you truly want the relationship to work. Be good to each other. Be honest. Be open. Follow the golden rule, "do unto others". Treat the ones you care about as if you would like to be treated AND how you know they need to be treated. Give to them what they need and they should hopefully in turn give to you what you need. Most of all communicate. Without communication how can there be understanding or trust.
No secrets, no lies. Be good or be gone.
~sierra sugar~
Communication, trust, respect and transparency are all critical in any type of relationship, that is if you truly want the relationship to work. Be good to each other. Be honest. Be open. Follow the golden rule, "do unto others". Treat the ones you care about as if you would like to be treated AND how you know they need to be treated. Give to them what they need and they should hopefully in turn give to you what you need. Most of all communicate. Without communication how can there be understanding or trust.
No secrets, no lies. Be good or be gone.
~sierra sugar~
The Morning Fairie
Since it is a full moon, I decided to post one of my earlier writings and one of which I am still rather proud.
Beautifully Broken
Beautifully broken,
a tragical mess,
a world full of chaos
and a head that's a mess,
perfectly flawed
in every possible way,
and i smile through it all
because tomorrow is another day.
(c) sierra sugar 2013
a tragical mess,
a world full of chaos
and a head that's a mess,
perfectly flawed
in every possible way,
and i smile through it all
because tomorrow is another day.
(c) sierra sugar 2013
Dreams End
The morning light filtered through the windows into the silent room.
The cheerful illumination starke contrast to the shadows in her eyes.
Taking a deep breath, a vain attempt to block out the screaming of
protest to her heart she knelt, dropping slowly to her knees as she had
so many times before, so many happy times. Her bottom rested snuggly
between her heals, her toes pointed parallel to the floor, her shoulders
pulled back caused a graceful arch to her back. Reverent. Respectful.
Silent. Sorrowful. Hesitantly her hand traced the delicate metal
around her neck as to commit the intricate pattern to memory; a needless
action for the cool metal had long since burned its place into her
soul. A burn much stronger than the sting behind her eyelids.
Letting her chin drop and her long curls fall to the side over her shoulder she reached behind her to unlock the clasp. The opening "click" so silent she was sure it was only her imagination that made the sound seem like the slamming of steel door. Or perhaps the slamming was the sound of her heartbeat, the irratic pulse as it rushed in her ears. She opened her eyes to try to ease the fire and focus on the floor, a small patch of carpet just before his feet.
He shifted His weight impatiently.
It was time.
Her hands began to tremble noticably as she removed the collar from her neck. Leaning forward she placed the beautiful symbolism of her love and ownership on the very spot of carpet at which she had been staring.
One tear fell, absorbed by the fabric of the plush carpet. Gone. Disappeared as if it had never existed. Just like the dissolution of her dreams. Her heart stopped. There was no pounding, no rhythm, no whooshing. There was complete silence and she had to consciously remind herself to the breathe. The pain was ripping and jagged, it tore through her chest into her very soul and she couldn't control the tears any longer. With one quick gesture she removed the ring from her left ring finger nearly dropping it from the tremor of her hands. She didn't even look at it. She didn't need to. She knew the pattern, the cut and design of the metal shaped into tiny leaves supporting a diamond flower. She'd never forget. As she set the ring in the exact center of the empty collar her shoulders began to shake and she bit down hard on her bottom lip to silence any sound that would give her away.
She never looked up at Him. She never looked at His eyes. She knew seeing the the cold empitness there now where there once was warmth and love would be more than she could bear. Keeping her chin down and eyes closed in a poor attempt to hide her tears she rose to her feet with more strength than she actually felt.
He never said a word. He never moved. He never acknowledged her actions or seemed to notice her pain.
It was time.
It was over.
Turning, she walked away from her life, her dreams, her hope. Constricted and unyeilding her throat allowed her only one word, a choked whisper, "Goodbye."
(c) 11/23/2009 sierra sugar
Letting her chin drop and her long curls fall to the side over her shoulder she reached behind her to unlock the clasp. The opening "click" so silent she was sure it was only her imagination that made the sound seem like the slamming of steel door. Or perhaps the slamming was the sound of her heartbeat, the irratic pulse as it rushed in her ears. She opened her eyes to try to ease the fire and focus on the floor, a small patch of carpet just before his feet.
He shifted His weight impatiently.
It was time.
Her hands began to tremble noticably as she removed the collar from her neck. Leaning forward she placed the beautiful symbolism of her love and ownership on the very spot of carpet at which she had been staring.
One tear fell, absorbed by the fabric of the plush carpet. Gone. Disappeared as if it had never existed. Just like the dissolution of her dreams. Her heart stopped. There was no pounding, no rhythm, no whooshing. There was complete silence and she had to consciously remind herself to the breathe. The pain was ripping and jagged, it tore through her chest into her very soul and she couldn't control the tears any longer. With one quick gesture she removed the ring from her left ring finger nearly dropping it from the tremor of her hands. She didn't even look at it. She didn't need to. She knew the pattern, the cut and design of the metal shaped into tiny leaves supporting a diamond flower. She'd never forget. As she set the ring in the exact center of the empty collar her shoulders began to shake and she bit down hard on her bottom lip to silence any sound that would give her away.
She never looked up at Him. She never looked at His eyes. She knew seeing the the cold empitness there now where there once was warmth and love would be more than she could bear. Keeping her chin down and eyes closed in a poor attempt to hide her tears she rose to her feet with more strength than she actually felt.
He never said a word. He never moved. He never acknowledged her actions or seemed to notice her pain.
It was time.
It was over.
Turning, she walked away from her life, her dreams, her hope. Constricted and unyeilding her throat allowed her only one word, a choked whisper, "Goodbye."
(c) 11/23/2009 sierra sugar
Still Waters
They say still waters run deep.
The surface smooth. The surface calm.
But what you don't see below is the force of those waters, swift and strong. At times a veritable maelstrom of movement below surface warmth. Pushing and pulling from within, and surrounding anyone who manages to find their way inside.
They say still waters run deep.
And there is much more than what is seen reflected back to you. But for most the surface is all they will ever see. It may not always be a peaceful place. But it is my place.
They say still waters run deep. And if you're not afraid to look, you may just find me there.
(c) 2010 sierra sugar
The surface smooth. The surface calm.
But what you don't see below is the force of those waters, swift and strong. At times a veritable maelstrom of movement below surface warmth. Pushing and pulling from within, and surrounding anyone who manages to find their way inside.
They say still waters run deep.
And there is much more than what is seen reflected back to you. But for most the surface is all they will ever see. It may not always be a peaceful place. But it is my place.
They say still waters run deep. And if you're not afraid to look, you may just find me there.
(c) 2010 sierra sugar
Sounds of Silence
If you listen to the sounds of her silence you'll hear the crash of tears as they fall.
And if you look through the brightness of her smile, you'll see the shadows of sorrow in her heart.
(c) 2011 Sierra Sugar
(c) 2011 Sierra Sugar
Ribbons of dreams
A shimmering silver ribbon coated in diamond
dust sparkles brilliantly in the night. One end swaying lazyily, almost
rhythmic in nature as if pulled by some unseen tide. "Follow me" it
whispers melodically. And i do. i follow as it gently twists and turns
carrying me through the darkness on a journey of incredibly beautiful
dreams of hope and happiness.
~ (c) sierra sugar 5/15/2012
~ (c) sierra sugar 5/15/2012
Beautiful Day
The southern sun is already high in the
morning sky, Pushing back the shadows helping to light the way. It's
spreading warmth helps the busy workers reluctantly shrug off sleep.
With a stretch and yawn, and a tickle from the radiant rays, it's easy
to see the start of another beautiful day.
(c) 7/25/2012 sierra sugar
(c) 7/25/2012 sierra sugar
Dreams of a kiss
The strength of your arms around me. Your
whiskers tickle my cheek even as your breath teases my ear. The curve of
your lips, tempting, so promising, so near. And a moment's pause. A
moment to think, a moment to wish. But it's a moment too long and now
the moment is gone. And lost to the night air goes the dream of a kiss.
(half asleep ramblings of a kitty mind).
~ (c) 8/1012012 sierra sugar
(half asleep ramblings of a kitty mind).
~ (c) 8/1012012 sierra sugar
Turn Around
a little better than yesterday
but not quite as good as tomorrow
hoping to just find my way
to the other side of sorrow
smiles and laughter are waiting
i know i'll have my share
happiness for the taking
when i finally make it there
so goodbye to all the reasons
that have turned life upside down
time welcome a new season
time to turn my heart around
~ (c) sierra sugar 8/14/2012
but not quite as good as tomorrow
hoping to just find my way
to the other side of sorrow
smiles and laughter are waiting
i know i'll have my share
happiness for the taking
when i finally make it there
so goodbye to all the reasons
that have turned life upside down
time welcome a new season
time to turn my heart around
~ (c) sierra sugar 8/14/2012
Kitten and Master more excerpts from 2001
".....he was the lone wolf, a mere shadow
against the dark night. He met her single cry with a solitary, soulful
howl. Heard it echo off the trees and spread through the night
saturating everything it touched with his torment. When the world
settled and silence resumed, he lowered his head and went to face the
world. " c2012 - Sierra Sugar
Kitten and Master an excerpt (from 2001)
"....The wind from the approaching storm
whipped her hair about, the ends lashing quickly at her face before she
could capture the wild tendrils with her hands and tie it back. The
knight’s sword dropped, tip first into the damp sand and he leaned on it
for support. Clearly relieved, his gaze followed the line of his sword
into the sand.
“Thank the gods its only you.” He muttered." c2012 - Sierra Sugar
*actually this is part of a story that I started back in 2001 that I've been editing and adding to. It's just a collection of excerpts and chapters that I hope to finish into a full story one day.
“Thank the gods its only you.” He muttered." c2012 - Sierra Sugar
*actually this is part of a story that I started back in 2001 that I've been editing and adding to. It's just a collection of excerpts and chapters that I hope to finish into a full story one day.
Dark Skies
Dark skies for now
Winds blow and water washes over me
Dark skies don't fear
Storms wash away sorrow to bring a new day
(c) 2012 - Sierra
Winds blow and water washes over me
Dark skies don't fear
Storms wash away sorrow to bring a new day
(c) 2012 - Sierra
Just hold on
The winds of change are blowing
The cool breeze of positive things
The silver lining means sunshine is on the way
Soon tomorrow will be a better day
Just hold on
Just hold on
Tomorrow will be a better day.
~ (c) sierra sugar 11/2/2012
The cool breeze of positive things
The silver lining means sunshine is on the way
Soon tomorrow will be a better day
Just hold on
Just hold on
Tomorrow will be a better day.
~ (c) sierra sugar 11/2/2012
Today
Today i wiped the last tear from cheek. i
will not cry over the past and pain anymore. What ever pain, emotion,
feelings, hurt, and anger remains will be bottled up and tucked away. i
refuse to spend the next 6 months of my life struggling to heal like i
did the last time. i refuse to wait, and watch, and hope, and suffer.
The past is gone and i will move on.
Today i choose to patch my heart by sheer force of will, hold my head up, and face life full of hope for the future. i will be loved, even if it is only to be loved by myself.
~ (c) sierra sugar 10/28/2012
Today i choose to patch my heart by sheer force of will, hold my head up, and face life full of hope for the future. i will be loved, even if it is only to be loved by myself.
~ (c) sierra sugar 10/28/2012
Tomorrow
There are days when i stumble.
Times when i fall.
When i just want to crawl into the darkness
and escape from it all.
But i bottle the tears.
i hold my head high.
And remember that tomorrow is just
as far as the next sunrise.
~ (c) sierra sugar 10/15/2012
Times when i fall.
When i just want to crawl into the darkness
and escape from it all.
But i bottle the tears.
i hold my head high.
And remember that tomorrow is just
as far as the next sunrise.
~ (c) sierra sugar 10/15/2012
The Moon
Moonlight
dripping through the inky darkness, a translucent watercolor of light
against the black canvas night. It's opalescent glow drowns all but
the strongest stars as their light flickers and fades only to break
through again, as if their burning mass was struggling to tread water
inside a vast ocean of pitch. The moon their only beacon even as
it's light drowns their own radiance.
The
crisp night air steals breath as the wind wisps it away, adding to
it's collection of whispered wishes and unspoken dreams. Perhaps
they'll reach the ears of hope hidden somewhere beyond the veil of
the unknown.
The
light, the dark, the wind, the chill, the hopes, the dreams, the ever
being, from birth to death, from first to last breath, and everywhere
in between, the moon.... she see's it all and reflects it back to
those who take the time to stop and truly see.
03/01/2013
A simple question
"Come here girl." He commanded. His icy blue eyes were soft,
perhaps speckled with a bit of care, a touch of tenderness, and an
abundance of scrutiny. His voice barely above a whisper was laced with
something I had not expected from this tall man; concern and
resignation, but the tone relayed absolute control and no room for
question.
And so I went to him, without question, without thought or hesitation. I went to him and placed myself on the floor before him. I barely registered the course woven rug against my knees as I knelt, my body pulled tight like a small ball trembling below him, bent over so far my forehead rested upon the top of his boot.
He spoke again quietly so that my ears had to strain to make out each word. "And tell me girl, why do you desire to be kajira?"
In that moment I realized this was a kind man. Not a man made up of the horrors that had terrified me. He was different from the exaggerated stories told to frighten and excite. He commanded but he did not take. He molded but he did not break. He was a man to be trusted, his word absolute should he choose to speak it. And his question was simple.
The answer that he sought from me not so much........
(c) Sierra Sugar 02.02.2013
And so I went to him, without question, without thought or hesitation. I went to him and placed myself on the floor before him. I barely registered the course woven rug against my knees as I knelt, my body pulled tight like a small ball trembling below him, bent over so far my forehead rested upon the top of his boot.
He spoke again quietly so that my ears had to strain to make out each word. "And tell me girl, why do you desire to be kajira?"
In that moment I realized this was a kind man. Not a man made up of the horrors that had terrified me. He was different from the exaggerated stories told to frighten and excite. He commanded but he did not take. He molded but he did not break. He was a man to be trusted, his word absolute should he choose to speak it. And his question was simple.
The answer that he sought from me not so much........
(c) Sierra Sugar 02.02.2013
Big Fish #72
It was surreal in a way, traveling from the sunny tropics where the sand burned your feet to the snowy seclusion of the remote resort somewhere in the Wolfe Mountain Range. Had we really gone so far in such a short amount of time? Yet the powdery proof was forming crystals on my lashes and melting in my hair.
The entire range was insulated in a blanket of snow both on the ground and still lazily drifting from low hanging clouds. Yet, in this icy white paradise that surrounded us I found myself completely warm snuggled protectively against his chest. Drawing his arm tighter around me making sure I was secure in his grasp, he then tightened his hold on the reigns in his other hand. I felt the muscles of his legs flex as he gently urged the animal forward, towards our cabin... and awaiting fire in the hearth. The beautiful creature neighed, shaking its liquid silver mane before continuing in a brisk trot, its golden horn glinting off the late afternoon sun.
(c) sierra sugar 2010
*Another random "Big Fish" writing.
The entire range was insulated in a blanket of snow both on the ground and still lazily drifting from low hanging clouds. Yet, in this icy white paradise that surrounded us I found myself completely warm snuggled protectively against his chest. Drawing his arm tighter around me making sure I was secure in his grasp, he then tightened his hold on the reigns in his other hand. I felt the muscles of his legs flex as he gently urged the animal forward, towards our cabin... and awaiting fire in the hearth. The beautiful creature neighed, shaking its liquid silver mane before continuing in a brisk trot, its golden horn glinting off the late afternoon sun.
(c) sierra sugar 2010
*Another random "Big Fish" writing.
Big Fish #123
It was one of those days where you never fully
greet the day. The sun peeks through puffy clouds and casting a hazy
glow through the windows adding to the dreamlike quality. But the sun,
as eager for its rest as us, had already dipped below the horizon
leaving us to the night that we never fully left in the first place.
Still wrapped in comfortable cottons that was the normal wear for these
lazy days, they were easy to move in,
breathable, and allowed for the haphazard touch to the skin without much
resistance. It was like this that we sat, arms and legs tangled under a
light blanket as the candle light flickered casting a nostalgic glow to
the room. Warmed by his heartbeat and breath on my skin as we talked
in whispers about the future, the night settled in claiming us both.
(c) sierra sugar 2010
*This post falls under the random writing category of "Big Fish". Don't catch the reference? Watch the movie. :)
(c) sierra sugar 2010
*This post falls under the random writing category of "Big Fish". Don't catch the reference? Watch the movie. :)
Just a Little While
When the wind blows stop awhile to feel its cool embrace. Then let go and let it whisk away every drop of pain.
When the rain falls dance a while to its heavenly song. Then stand still and let the cleansing flood wash away the tears.
When the night falls stare awhile at the beauty of the stars. Then exhale releasing to their light all your darkest fears.
And when the world spins laugh awhile at the crazy ride. Then hold on to me and let me help you find your gravity.
(c) sierra sugar 1.26.2013
Written for someone incredibly dear to me in hopes to help even just a little in her time of need. ♥
When the rain falls dance a while to its heavenly song. Then stand still and let the cleansing flood wash away the tears.
When the night falls stare awhile at the beauty of the stars. Then exhale releasing to their light all your darkest fears.
And when the world spins laugh awhile at the crazy ride. Then hold on to me and let me help you find your gravity.
(c) sierra sugar 1.26.2013
Written for someone incredibly dear to me in hopes to help even just a little in her time of need. ♥
My illusion
Funny how there are some things that you can handle. You deal with them no matter how angry they make you or how much they hurt. You shake and cry, yell and scream, sleep, write, walk, and anything else you need to do. But you get through it, or at least continue to muddle your way through. Looking back you can see the progress made, acknowledge the stumbling blocks, and figure out how to move forward.
And yet, there are some things that are impossible to talk about, or apparently even to write about. Those feelings locked away so deep inside because they are just too much to deal with. You pull them out every now and then to try and carefully examine them. But, time it seems, does not ease the hurt. Once the lock is released and the lid cracked, the emotion swells and over flows. It takes every ounce of strength and willpower just to frantically shove it all back down inside and hide it away again.
Not now.
Maybe later.
Some day I'll be able to face it.
One day I'll figure out the why's and all the other unanswered questions inside.
When it doesn't hurt so much.
So for now I keep it all bundled up, boxed up, locked up, and tucked away deep inside. For now I live in awkward silence and dance around uncomfortable shadows. For now I accept the words that can be offered and ignore those that cannot be said. For now.
For now I just choose not to look too closely, because to do so would force all those feelings that are so tenuously held in check to come to the surface in an overwhelming surge. Too much. Too fast. Just a peek inside and already I can't breathe.
Tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow.
This is what I tell myself. This is my illusion.
~sierra
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